Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im holly from the hills drunk
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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