I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
