I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
