if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize