thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
