Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize