I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
