morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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