Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
