i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What a dumb baby whore.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
