Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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