my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
