if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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