Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just threw up on my dentist
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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