are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
