well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
