wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
