So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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