Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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