Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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