And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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