I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
