I wanna bring you to show and tell
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
