Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
