My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
