Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
