dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
