If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
