as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
