i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
