Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
