my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
