i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I have aggressive nipples.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
