My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
