i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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