Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
