A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize