Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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