community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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