You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
