My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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