youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize