Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
