I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize