I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
