Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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