his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
