After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
