we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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