i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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