sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
