dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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