I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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