We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
