So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
