I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
