Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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