So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
