I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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