she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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