Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
