I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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