sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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