I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Randomize
