I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
