I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
