sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize