One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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