Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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