Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
