i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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