We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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