I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
