I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize