I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
