so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
