so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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