So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
