My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
