At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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