Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
