Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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