I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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