get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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