i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
