My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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