he wants to bone in the snuggie
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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