I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
