Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
