i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize