I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
