is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
