Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
