Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize