I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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