It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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