You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
