kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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