um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
