But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
