bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
dude. I can hear the air.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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