im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
