We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
