i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
