We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
