Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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