whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize